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January 09, 2008

Crisis and rubbish

There are things that I am rubbish at. Difficult to believe, I know. Don't worry, this isn't going to be a post about being mental because (a) you're all fed up with that; and (b) I'm feeling ok today.

So, the answer is not: sleeping, relationships, parenting, thinking straight, and such.

The intros round.

Is the answer.

What do you mean, what?

Oh, ok, some further explanation may be required.

I am rubbish at that fun quiz thing when someone starts playing the intro to a well-known song and you have to shout out as soon as you know what it is. We did this at new year, my mates and I, and as usual I didn't get any.

I don't understand this. I listen to music a great deal, and I knew the songs that were played, but I just couldn't identify them from the opening bars. So I stood there and waited for someone else in my team to shout the answer and then shouted that out, more loudly. Like I always do. Why doesn't my brain work in such a way as to allow me to shout out the answer before anyone else, just once? I can only remember ever getting one once, in the pub quiz, and that was because I was older than everyone else on my team. (It was 'Ride On Time', by Black Box, since you asked, and that is very distinctive for anyone old enough to remember).

For the general amusement of everybody I did a fiendish quiz for new year. I reckoned if anyone got half the answers right they were doing well - and the winning team (which had the LOML and Mumbling Nige on it) got 22 out of 40 in the end so I was about right.

The teams that got less than ten were a bit bored though and now I'm worried that I set questions that were hard just so I could be all superior and knowledgable and not because it would be fun for everyone else. *sigh*.

See what you think, a few sample questions below:

1. On a clear day, what is the furthest you can see from the top of the Eiffel Tower?
2. What is the square root of one quarter?
3. Which sport uses a piece of equipment exactly 9 by 5 feet?
4. Into which ocean or sea does the river Nile flow?
5. The Queen Vic is on the corner of Albert Square and which other street?

I'll put the answers in the comments so have a think before clicking over, and then let me know if they are (a) too hard and I am an arrogant egomaniac; or (b) they are ok standard and I am just trying to help everyone have a good time.


January 01, 2008

HNY and all that

What I said above.

I am currently at death's door from man flu, which I think you'll find is worse than ordinary flu. I have been revising my will, and making preparations for my funeral, as I am sure that if anyone can die of man flu, that one will be me.

Still, progress in the crisis household. All the family now have iPods, so there is no need to talk to each other any more at all, which is a plus. Smallest child sings along with Lily Allen at high volume, including the f-word ("Dad, it's a lyric"). I must remember to have a word with her about doing that in public. Customers in Caffe Nero don't expect angelic-looking 9 year old girls to sing "But you were fucking that girl next door, what'd you do that for?".

Even if it is in tune.

Grumpy (aka Child One) is now officially the first cyborg human. He is physically linked to the playstation or DS, umbilically, so that if you cut the cord he would be dead in minutes, flopping around like a haddock on the deck of a trawler. His eyes have evolved into little LCDs and his thumbs are now completely swivellable. He can tap his fingers faster than the eye can see. His arse is flat and wide, for balance while sitting.

Still, going skiing in a few days. He'll be able to learn to snowboard and that will be the end of that, we'll never see him. He's already got the long hair and the grungy clothes. Oh, and the girlfriend.

What's that all about? She's just like a female version of him. Lovely, but mad as a sack of fish. I'm quite scared by this. She was born the day after him, which they think means they were fated to be together. Bless.

2008 will be better, the LOML and I have promised each other.

Hope it's true for you too.