BEAVER!

That got your attention, haha. I'm afraid that anyone coming here searching for anything slightly mucky will be gravely disappointed. I wish, instead, to talk about the Scout Movement. And that is nothing to do with the sort of Scout Movement which involves going camping and the inevitable shitting in the woods, as JonnyB covered that in highly amusing detail already today.

Whomever thought that 'Beavers' was an appropriate name for five to seven year olds in the Scouts was an idiot, obviously. Or a pervert. (But then, wasn't Baden-Powell a bit dodgy that way? You know, did a lot of manly naked swimming in lakes with twelve year old boys, hmmmmm?). Anyhoo, Child One was a Beaver before he was a Cub, and Child Two is still a Beaver before she's a Brownie. The Beaver troop (pack? whatever) is very very good, led by selfless, committed adult volunteers who genuinely care for the children and their entertainment. This week, they got to take their pets in - Child Two took in the Dog (Golden Retriever), as did six others, and there were also rabbits, ferrets, and hamsters. All looked after solely by six and seven year olds. How brave do you have to be as a leader to take that on?

This week, as she went in to the meeting, Child Two was taken aside by the leader and given a letter to read. It said:

Dear [Child Two]

You have been chosen by the Leader Team to carry the flag in the St George's Day Parade this year because you always give your best week by week, happily taking part in all the activities planned and we thank you for being such a good Beaver Scout.

We hope you would like to do this very special job for us.

Well done [Child Two].

Yours in scouting,

[the leaders].

I couldn't be more proud of her. I even welled up a bit when I read it.

Meanwhile, I took Child One to karate, and he paid attention, practiced, concentrated, did his test and passed was then awarded his red belt. He went up to the front and bowed to the instructor and shook his hand, and everybody clapped and everything. So I was really proud of him, too.

So we were wallowing in family pride last evening, a warm glow created by achieving children.

And pride comes before ... ?

I went into the kitchen for one minute, and they contrived to kick my large glass of red wine right across the brand new rug and up the brand new gold wall.

Fucking kids.