View through my window

March 30, 2006


Getting a bit fed up with the adverts on the telly again. I know I've had a rant about this before (December the 8th, actually, I've just looked it up). Sorry to my colonial friends who won't have seen these.

Child One and I like ranting at the continuity. There's one for, I think, the Halifax about loans, cue woman doing up house: "I'm so glad to get rid of that hideous bath" as the offending avocado item is chucked in the skip. Then there's the pack shot of terms and conditions, and then the wrap with the contact details, behind which is another, different, shot of her throwing the bath away AGAIN.

Child One and I, in unison: "There goes the bath ... [pause] ... and there it goes again." The LOML gets quite irritated by us; can't see why.

AND there's the one of the Injury Lawyers For You. Cue Nice Lawyer in chair, attached to lie detector - at one point you see his fingers in some sort of metally detectory probey things, just so you know. The questioners fire questions at him:"Will I have to sign a credit agreement?", "How much of the compensation will I be able to keep?", and as he answers the old pen line on the graph paper stays resolutely flat, giving the indication that he's not lying. I understand that this is nothing like a real lie detector test, and I think they are getting confused with seismographs, but no matter. The end of the ad: they all shake hands, and the Nice Lawyer turns to leave, throwing a "Nice tie" comment over his shoulder to the questioner bloke. The little lie detector pen goes beserk, like a Richter scale 11 earthquake has just gone off. The bloke in the tie looks at his tie, upset, and the Nice Lawyer pulls a hidden phew-no-it-isn't-it's-a-crap-tie-and-aren't-I-clever face.

Spotted the problem? No? Uh, the Nice Lawyer isn't attached to the fucking machine any more. He's even shaken hands to prove it. He's leaving. How can the lie detector go off on one about the tie comment? More to the point: how can the ad people think we are stupid enough not to notice?

And, while I'm at it, people who make Vagicil for Intimate Feminine Irritation: using a foreign language ad of a woman going on about her itchy bits and dubbing an English voice over the top ISN'T FOOLING US EITHER. It looks stupid, and cheap, and patronising. I'm certainly not buying any, just because I hate your ad so much. Oh, and because I haven't got a vagina.

And, furthermore, can anyone come up with a more annoying three word phrase in English than 'Intimate Feminine Irritation'? (I feel a competition coming on). Do we mean itchy fanny? I think we do.

I notice that some tampons (or sanitary towels, I forget) come with an 'Intimate Feminine Wipe'. For fuck's sake, talk about beating about the bush (yes, yes, intentional, couldn't resist, no I'm not going to apologise): what a euphemism for a fucking wet wipe for period leakage that is. Just say fanny wipe. Please.

Oh, I've got another phrase that I would be happy never ever to hear again in my entire fucking life: "Come on, Tim".

Anyone do better?

EDIT: I've just seen the fanny wipe ad again, and it's worse than I thought: it's an 'intimate feminine towelette', apparently. That must be a small, cute, girly version of a towel, huh. For fuck's sake. Surely life is too short for intimate feminine towelettes.


  • I was on the tube today and saw lots of adverts - many of them were for online poker/gambling sites

    yeah, topical, eh?

    all the strap-lines (or whatever the key line of an ad is called) were very amusing, making you think about the expressions on the faces of the people sitting around you*. . .

    of course, I can't remember any of them - nor the institutions they were advertising, nor the web addresses

    (they weren't aimed at me anyhow, so they've lost nothing: but the whole online gambling thing is kind of in my memory bank)

    it did set me to thinking though, about the nature of blogs and poker games

    if only I knew how to play poker I'm sure I could take this analogy further

    but I don't, so I can't

    *dead pan expression*

    *I like The Economist ads best, especially the on that said "what exactly is the benefit of the doubt"

    By Blogger don't chase it, at 4:44 pm  

  • I can see all sorts of language difficulties in 'fanny wipes'.

    I too hate the dubbed adverts. Cheapskates.

    Have to say though: I have no idea what ads you are on about here. Can't recall any of them. But then that seems to be an advertising fashion now, forget the brand and just be cool and groovy. Or rubbish and over-dubbed

    By Blogger the Beep, at 5:01 pm  

  • DCI: all life is, indeed, a poker analogy.

    Beep: they just wash over you, don't they? But they register, subliminally, the bastards, they register. I have to admit they're clever. I find the psychology of advertising fascinating. Did you know that as much as 80% of your supermarket shop isn't on your list? They've just persuaded you to buy it. Devious.

    By Blogger crisiswhatcrisis, at 10:22 pm  

  • List? What's one of those? Is that what those funny little clipboard things are for on the trolleys? Great, you're not only intersting but also educative. I'm grateful to you.

    But Lists? For the supermarket? WTF?

    *wanders off mumbling and headshaking to get something unecessary but recently advertised. Yet another Motorola Razr. His 37th*

    By Blogger the Beep, at 12:12 am  

  • god, you two are unbelievable

    By Blogger don't chase it, at 8:55 am  

  • if you'd (both) been more amusing, I might have dared to share my views on intimate feminine towelette hygienic fanny wipes

    I'm not even close

    *thinks: where's Surly when you need her?*

    WV: the-c-word-strikes-back

    By Blogger don't chase it, at 9:00 am  

  • ... and that's us told.

    By Blogger crisiswhatcrisis, at 10:41 am  

  • (sorry. . .)

    By Blogger don't chase it, at 12:03 pm  

  • Crisis, the one that really pisses me off is the loan advert eith the bloke talking on the phone and the wifey filming him, its ridiculous and I have to turn it off when it comes on the TV!

    By Blogger Moo, at 12:20 pm  

  • dci: forgiven!

    moo: Picture loans, that's them. Picture my fist in your smug face, mate, more like.

    By Blogger crisiswhatcrisis, at 9:43 am  

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