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December 08, 2005

Things that I like today

Lost
K T Tunstall
Dipping ginger nuts in coffee
It's not raining
surly gurl's blog Carry on.

Things that I don't like today

Marketing and advertising wankers who think I'm stupid
Viagra spam and loans junkmail every fucking day
The World Series of Poker has finished on the telly
I can't be bothered to go for a run despite the fact it's sunny
I haven't done enough work this morning

I was going to leave it at that (ref last point above), but I just can't. I was just sorting myself out with a point three above, and on the (fair trade, naturally) jar is written 'Twist off, push on lid. Seals in flavour.' Why do the people who put that on the jar think I'm a slavering cretin? There is a basic failure of logic here. Yes, we know that the lid probably seals in flavour in that the coffee granules probably don't do so well if not sealed up, a bit like biscuits. But *slaps forehead repeatedly* this is not because the lid twists off and pushes on. It's just not. The reason that the lid twists off and pushes on is because we are all too fucking lazy to spend two seconds twirling a normal lid off. I remember when we did used to do that, and it was fine until the bright light in the sky of twisting off and pushing on of lids was revealed to all. And after that, of course, nothing else was good enough. But the old lid kept the flavour in just as efficiently. So why not just say 'Twist off push on lid saves two seconds of your life?' WE ARE NOT STUPID. I don't know why we put up with this, I really don't. I am happy to buy fair trade coffee; I just wish I could afford organic all the time as well. I don't need this con artist sales pitch trying to trick a few more sales out of a harrassed and weary consumerhood.

I should stop there and do some work; I've got a client presentation tomorrow that I haven't written yet. But the same smarmy wanker that puts nonsensical messages on our coffee to try and con some more sales is also at work elsewhere: everywhere you look, in fact. Noticed how many different 'natural additives' are appearing in shampoo lately? And how much pseudoscience is used to justify it. 'Up to four times sleeker' they trumpet, knowing that you can't measure sleekness so they can claim whatever the fuck they want. Avocado micro oils. Funny how the extract is always from something wholesome and preferably edible, not couch grass or oak leaves. As if that matters to your fucking hair. WE ARE NOT STUPID.

Boswelox, anyone?

1 Comments:

  • i suspect that boswelox was invented by tom boswell. he just left the second "l" off in order to cover his tracks.

    the OH's current favourite is "bifidum digestivum" which is a made-up name if ever we heard one....

    carry on.

    By Blogger surly girl, at 1:16 pm  

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